Hanging On...by a thread?

Harlow all, today may seem a wee bit random (the Japanese flag days can get any girls doing random things O.o) but, somehow it relates to hidden & confused feelings. To convey confused feelings here is..equally confusing. @.@ what on earth I'm saying?! What's eating me inside is..the act of making everyone around me happy continuously is...a horrifying habit that I can never let go. Well, it's not wrong but it's what I get in return, in which I hardly ever care or even realize. At one point, I actually stop & think. Do they deserve it? Sighs~ I don't really care..
For a second, this kind of feelings come up because I didn't know when to care or not to care. When most of the times that I didn't care of what I get in return, that was when this kind of feelings do come up. I can be someone can be directed around or a mere entertainment or to be used for one's own good. More like to get stepped on O.o. After all, this is my ranting site..haha.hmm. O.o
People do tell me to be selfish or trying to help me. But seriously ppl! Once one is born with a tag that God had embed into one's mind & soul, it's impossible to change unless there's a freaking lucifer in disguise do the job. But with someone like me, to the ends of the earth, impossibruuuuuuu~
Sighs~
I love everyone around me...I admire & cherish them equally because I don't wanna lose any of them (a confession here :S )..but I'm trying my best to be transparent for them to see the "whole" me. To understand me at firsthand..that's all I ask. Understanding.
Why do I feel so alone? *emo mode on* Btw, I've lost my study mojo...leaning towards another failure.
Anyway, don't get me wrong with what I've just written up there..sometimes one may think everything is unfair but still continue that certain way of life. If one can do it & walk through all these, so will I.
Just saw this pic, ponder on it.

Anyway, what most people would say to individuals with a retarded, haywired, & confused mind like I do..look to Daddy God. With Him, I hope I can regain back the strength & my study mojo T.T
Well, even if I say I'm alone but I'm sure I'm not alone.  :)
Therefore, I'm gonna hold on. Hold on to what I have. If they are meant to leave me, then so be it. If it's not meant for me, I'll let it slip away.

For now, I have no idea whether it's meant for me...but looks like I've to put up a face to determine it. Coincidentally, this pic here...completely reflect my feelings. :)
Hopefully, I won't get tagged as some emo freak here..LOL like I've said, this is my ranting site ^_^
Whatever it is, Feli is here to cheer you up. You have my word & love.
Cheers & God Bless us all~